WARNING:: This BLOG entry contains some colourful language to reflect the situation

Setting the Scene: The boys need to be up bright and early to get to the airport before 6:20am where Tom is flying to Dusseldorf at 7am and Ross to Dublin at 10:30 am. This is a tender moment for the boys. After three months of having lived cheek to jowel, having farted and burped their way across the Gobi and Siberian plains and having shared the terrors of Mongolain cheese and Russia vodka together, it is now time to go their seperate ways and complete their individual pilgrimages. One to worship at Old Traford and the other to visit the Ottoman Empire. This is the story of the trials and tribulations of catching a cut price airline.

Scene 1: The 20 bed dorm at Hostel Profit (Its REAL name!!). Tom and Ross are asleep when the phone alarm goes off.

5.00am

Ross: Christ! What a shitty nights sleep

Tom: Tell me about it

Ross: Those bloody German students again, partying all nite and banging around above us, (laughing) huh, just like we used to do!

Tom: Yeah, to be young again eh! We hardly touch the stuff now ;) I was more worried the dam alarm not going off again.

Ross moves off stage to have a shower and Tom starts getting himself organised, checking that the Passport has not escaped for a third time.

Scene 2: The boys shoulder packs and head for the stairs

5:30am

Tom: Ahh, at one with the pack again. Hope the bus is on time as its cutting it fine for the airport check-in at 6:20.

Ross: Nah, she'll be right, it only took 15 min along the motor-way on the way in - uh oh - the outside doors are locked.

Tom: What about the Security Gaurd?

Ross: Nope. No one about.

Tom: Shit!

Tom staggers back up the stairs with his burgeoning pack and wakes the receptionist who is asleep on the desk.

Tom: Ahhh the door is locked downstairs.

Receptionist: Get the security gaurd.

Tom: He's not there.

Receptionist: He should be!

Tom: But he's NOT!

Receptionist makes a phone call and the sound of a phone ringing downstairs can be heard. No answer. Receptionist flicks through the security camers on the monitor then shrugs her shoulders and tries the phone again.

5:35am

Ross: Its Ok. He's coming now. Looks like he's had a quick fag round the corner

Tom: At bloody last! Thats all I need now is to miss the plane.

Ross: You haaaave got your passport havent you?? (grining)

Tom: Haha

The boys trot off into the dark as the Security gaurd locks the door and wanders back around the corner for another fag.

Scene 3: Tom and Ross are standing in the bus. Tom is starting to look abit stressed and is staring vacantly into the dark through the bus window.

6:10am

Tom: Christ how many more stops are there. This is no where near the motorway!! Its all local stops!

Ross: Hmmm I cant remember where we went when we arrived ... but it wasnt here.

Tom: I know, and Ive got to check in within another 15min.

6:13am

Tom (to the conductress pointing at his watch): Excuse me. How long before the airport?

Conductress shrugs shoulders and mutters something in Latvian

Tom: She was very helpful, not! Looks like some lights over there though.

Ross: Its the Airport - dont worry we will still be there on time

Tom (with a deep sigh): Yes... in time to see the bloody thing take off!!

The bus pulls in to the airport parking bay. More minutes are lost as a car in the bus park blocks the doors from opening. Several "words" are shared between drivers before the car finally pulls away and the boys can elite.

Scene 4: Ross and Tom enquire at the Infomation desk as to where the AirBaltic check is. They are directed to go line 17 - 21.They note the time on the Departure board Riga to Dusseldorf - 6:20am - 10 min Boarding Call.

6:20am

Tom: Jeeze look at the crowd! There must be at least 50 people waiting in line.

Ross: Ill wait over by those seats for you.

Tom: Yeah hold one for me as I dont think Ill be making the flight at this rate :(

Man in front of Tom is having an aggitated discussion with another person in line and then lifts the "No Entrance" rope and storms up to counter 17 where a flight service person has just sat down. All other counters are full. Tom quickly follows suit. The other passanger also follows and replaces the "No Entrance" rope.

Man to Service Girl: Can you put my bags through as Im late for my flight.

Service Girl (In heavily accented English and a mixture of Latvian): Sorry sir you need to be in the line and take your turn.

Man: Yes but I will miss my flight.

Service Girl (indicating the back of the line): Im sorry sir but there are other people waiting

Man (in louder voice): But Im here now!

Service Girl: You will need to rejoin the line!

6:25am

Man storms off back to his place in the line and other passenger wanders to another counter. Tom steps up to counter 17 and puts his pack on to the scales.

Service Girl (Again in heavily accented English and with a touch of annoyance): Sir did you come from the line?

Tom: I was told to go to Counter 17.

Service Girl (indicating the crowd of people lined up): Sir were you lined up?

Tom: Sorry I dont understand you - can I book in here for Dusseldorf?

Service Girl: You are supposed to be in line!

Tom (innocently and brandishing his best smile after two sleepless nights): Sorry I dont understand what you mean.

Service Girl (with big sigh): Your bag is 8.5 kilos over weight - you will either have to take something out or take it over to the other counter and pay extra.

Tom (with resignation and sounding slightly stressed): How much will it cost?

First Boarding call for AirBaltic to Dusseldorf is heard in the background

Service Girl: That will be 5Lat per kilo - 45 Lat in total ($NZ130 approximately)

Tom: WHAT!! Thats more than my flight cost! Can I repack it?

Service Girl: Yes but other people are waiting, please go over there (pointing vaguely to where Ross is sitting at teh tail end of the line)

Tom: [thinking: Like bloody hell and go to the back of the line again]: Can I do it here?

Service Girl (with another big sigh) Yes but please move away from the counter.

Tom moves 2 foot to the next empty scales and dumps the pack on it. Zipps are unfastened and items hurridly removed. Daypack, laptop, towel, shoes, jersey, food - finally the scales show 19.9kg and Tom has 17kgs of hand luggage!!

Boarding pass is issued and Tom rushs back to see Ross, puts the extra clothes on over an already sweat soaked set (reminisent of the Mogolian smugglers, jams as much as possible into the carry bag and daypack, fills pockets with book and extras and dumps the towel and food.

Second Boarding call for AirBaltic to Dusseldorf is heard in the background

Scene closes on the tender moment of Ross and Tom saying their good-byes, shaking hands and making plans for the future.

Tom: See you mate

Ross: Yup see you at the March KHS drinks nite

Tom: Send you an email

Ross: Catch you then

Scene 5: It is Toms turn at the Security check where items are being x-rayed and bags checked for "terrorist paraphanaila". Tom can be seen holding his trousers up with one hand, all belts had to be removed, while making his way through the body scanner.

6:48am

Tom: [Shit I have to unpack the bloody laptop again and get all this crap out of my pockets]

Security: Sir is this your bag.

Tom: [Christ what now] Yes! (between gritted teeth)

Security: Can you please empty the contents into this tray and also remove your boots for us to check.

Tom complies, while looking at the Departure board which shows the Dusseldorf flight leaving in 12 mins. From amoung the items in the tray, his knife and fork and Swiz Army knife are removed. These of course had been in the pack but after the "repack" had become hand baggage!!!

Security: Are these yours. You cant take them on the plane you realise.

Tom: What can I do about it?

Security (indicating a rubbish bin): You can go back and recheck your luggage if you like sir, or put them in the canister over there.

Items are dumped in the cannister to become part of the confiscated "possible terrorist weapons of war" memorabilia! Thanks Osama. Pants rebelted and pulled up with boots in one hand and passport and Boarding pass in the other, Tom makes all speed to the Boarding Gate in his socks with and both carry on bags slung over one shoulder.

Scene 6: Tom can be observed hurridly making his way through the airport halls looking for his boarding gate. Sweat is streaming down his face and he has a wild look in his eyes.

6:55am

Tom: [It looks like a 6B on the pass, hmmm must meam B6 gate. Where the fuck are my glasses. First thing back will be looking at Lasic surgery!!. Shit, shit, shit ... B6 is the boarding gate for Cohenhagen!!] Tom looks for a Departure screen. [Ahhhgh ... gate B1, all the fucking way back to where I started ... there is no gate number on the boarding pass!!]

Down a set of stairs and to the terminal desk just in time to see the bus ready to depart. Struggling with boots, documents and bags, Tom quickly hikes one carry bag over his shoulder and drapes his jacket over it and the other bag on top of this.

Security: You are very late sir!!

Tom (rather breathlessly with heart palpations): I know!!

Security (indicating bag over shoulder): Is this your only carry on bag. You realise that it must fit in that guide over there.

Tom (non committedly): Hmmm yes

Security: Please hurry then and board the bus as the plane is ready to leave.

Tom: [Thank god .. and I can finally put my boots back on again while we drive to the plane]

Scene 7: Tom has entered the plane and the door is firmly locked behind him. He is hustled down the aisle to find that he has a row to himself. He notices that the 3 ladies in front of him are knitting with LARGE METAL knitting needles - so much for the security arrangements - quite obviously "terrorist paraphanaila" that has been snuck through.

7:20am

Tom:[Wonder why the rush, we havent moved yet]

7:30am

Engines are closed down and an unintelligable message in German, Latvian and Russian comes over the intercom. People start unbelting and collecting bags. Air hostess comes up to Tom and says that the plane has a fault and will be delayed for some time.

Tom:[Christ ... all that rushing around and stress for nothing!!!]

Ominisly there was a pool of watery oil under the planes wing which some maintenance people appeared to be working on.

And it didnt finish there. Back in the Terminal, after another 30min, food vouchers were handed out and I was told that they could be used "at any resturant in the terminal". Only problem was that the only place open at 8am was a Lugis Pizza Place. All the passengers seemed to turn up here and I waited in line for 40min. And guess who also turned up - Ross - there was lots of air-kissing in greetings for an old friend lol. Just as I was nearing the head of the line the other passengers started quickly finishing up their meals and heaading for the door - plane was ready to go. Another mad rush, quickly ordering pizza and drink and passing over the voucher and then back to the plane to eat cold pizza. We finally took off 2 and half hours late.